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Post by ojiveojive on Sept 16, 2006 20:59:24 GMT
I came across a whole herd of the mothers today and two of the fackers tried to get me in a pincer movement. One of the bastards walked towards me, snarling through his nose whilst the other facker got round behind me. I managed to back off sideways behind a gorse bush and made my way sideways around the fackers to make my escape, although I didn't take my eyes off the bastards for a second. I'm gonna start carrying a big fackin' stick when I go walking in future, a map is no fackin' use at all for self defence, they'd probably eat the mother.
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Post by ambersalamander on Sept 16, 2006 21:00:47 GMT
I love your little walking stories! It's cycling for me. Not much choice when you live in london
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Post by amberaleman on Sept 17, 2006 20:00:22 GMT
I find bullocks are the worst. I once got backed into a swamp by a posse of over-inquisitive Charolais. And they're seriously big beasts. These days I walk straight at them if I have to - they almost invariably scarper. There was a herd of them blocking my route as I crossed Pevensey Levels last month (prior to our game at Eastbourne). The direct approach worked as they parted like the Red Sea. Mind you, horses can be a bit funny. Whenever I'm in a field with one I think of that creepy Ted Hughes story, The Rain Horse.
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Post by boyblue on Sept 17, 2006 20:07:18 GMT
Think on this During medival times, war horses were trained to chew the faces of the enemy in a melee.
It's in the genes
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Post by ojiveojive on Sept 17, 2006 23:17:51 GMT
Inquisitive I can live with. Snarling flared nostrils and bared teeth, no. Since I started my walks in April I've encountered many cattle and yes they will usually skip away if you walk towards them. Bulls I'm a little more circumspect about, I've come across three so far, I keep as far away as I can and as near to the field edge as possible (I do wonder about the legality of keeping a bull in a field that's got a public footpath crossing it). I was warned about horses early on by someone that had one walk up behind her and bite her on the back of the neck as she was walking across a field. I did get surrounded by a flock of about two hundred sheep once but they mistook me for the farmer who turned up a couple of minutes late with a load of food on a trailer and on realising their mistake they buggered off after the food.
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Post by malxscfc on Sept 18, 2006 0:58:02 GMT
Class! All the above animals seem to have a sinister side, but I think if you become even 1% angry they'll give you no hassle. Horses are odd, but usually come to you because they expect to be patted and fed. [Don't approach them from behind though, obviously.] Cows are always weird, since they're huge, but are almost invariably hysterical, and you can panic a whole herd by, say, pulling out a stick of gum too quickly. Bulls, though, must never be trusted! Very, very angry beasts, with all the right anatomical equipment to make you wish you were not walking through 'their Manor'.... I suspect farmers deliberately put their prize bulls in the field with the footpath because they're farmers, and they can! ;D Sheep are weird too. As a teenage Army Cadet I walked through a huge sheep field in Wales and every single one of the fackers stood still, stopped chewing, and just looked at me in silence!! Very, very unnerving. Pigs are the really dodgy characters of the farmyard, though, as they're omnivores, and swineherds reckon they become lethal if given the taste of human flesh!? Another oddity, told me by friends who've worked in abattoirs, is that on the day pigs are to be 'taken away', there will always be 2 or 3 who simply give up the will to live, and just drop dead! Sounds impossible, but I've heard this from several different slaughterhouse sources..... Very odd if you think about it...
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Post by medibot on Sept 18, 2006 2:20:46 GMT
This reminds me of my last happy holiday in Wales, taking a walk up and over town hill to see the War Memorial, castle, my families old house and whatnot we had the pleasure of interrupting the day of about 45 cows. I still treasure the utter panic on my little brothers face when they all hurtled towards us down the hill, you've never seen somebody vault a fence so quickly in yer life. It was of course made all the more humorous when they all stopped next to me on the otherside of the fence and posed about as much threat as the French army. Have heard about the pig thing myself too, maybe it is a special piggy sixth sense
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Post by stretfordendling© on Sept 18, 2006 7:59:50 GMT
I prefer cycling when going OUT OF LONDON. Thats why i did The London To Brighton Bike Ride & The London To Windsor Bike Rides.
Its worth it to get out of there.
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Post by ojiveojive on Sept 18, 2006 7:59:57 GMT
Horses are odd, but usually come to you because they expect to be patted and fed. Not when they're flaring their nostrils and baring their teeth they don't . My wife has what I'd always considered was an irrational fear of horses but I'm not so sure anymore. The ones that hassled me at the weekend may well have been wild, they didn't have shoes on, were smaller and stockier than most of the horses I've come across in the past and the area was an open hillside, not enclosed fields. Oh yeah, I did try the 'walk straight towards them and they'll move out of the way' strategy - that was when they went into pincer mode and out bottled me. The one walking directly towards me from the front had no intention of moving out of the way, it obviously had the genes of an ancester from Ghengis Khan's hordes, whilst the one coming at me from behind looked like he wanted to stick a shiv in my spine. The other eight or so just stood around looking on as if to say "You stupid facker, this is our gaff, fack off before the Mental brothers there sort you out, you fackin' idiot".
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Post by medibot on Sept 18, 2006 8:26:51 GMT
lol, horsey hardnuts Glad you made it out alive
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Post by boyblue on Sept 18, 2006 19:24:19 GMT
How come during the apocolypse death comes riding on a horse it's in the genes
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Post by boyblue on Sept 18, 2006 19:26:55 GMT
On a day trip to Stratford butterfly farm. Several maneating butterflies alighted on Mrs Blue and caused hysterics
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Post by ojiveojive on Sept 18, 2006 22:20:56 GMT
How come during the apocolypse death comes riding on a horse Cos they didn't have Ferraris.
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Post by malxscfc on Sept 19, 2006 15:41:32 GMT
How come during the apocolypse death comes riding on a horse Cos they didn't have Ferraris. But Ferraris are surely too cramped for practical scythe-wielding, don't you find?
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Post by malxscfc on Sept 19, 2006 15:42:50 GMT
On a day trip to Stratford butterfly farm. Several maneating butterflies alighted on Mrs Blue and caused hysterics Phew! She was lucky they weren't moths, otherwise they could have had the shirt off her back in only....... 3 or 4 weeks.
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