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Post by ambersalamander on May 17, 2006 22:04:57 GMT
A monkey is sitting in a tree, smoking a joint, when a lizard walks past. The lizard looks up and says to the monkey "Hey! what are you doing?" The monkey says "Smoking a joint, come up and join me, my cold-blooded friend." So the lizard climbs up and sits next to the monkey and they have another joint.
After a while the lizard says his mouth is 'dry', and that he's going to get a drink from the river. At the riverbank, the lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over and falls in. A Crocodile sees this and swims over to the stoned lizard, helping him to the side. He then asks the lizard, What's the matter with you?!" The lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting in the tree, smoking a joint with his new monkey friend. He then explained how his mouth got dry, and that he was so wasted that, when he went to get a drink from the river, he fell in!
The inquisitive crocodile says he has to check this out. He walks into the jungle and finds the tree where the monkey is sitting, finishing a joint. He looks up and says "Hey, MONKEY!" The Monkey looks down and says "FUUUUCCK, DUDE...... how much water did you drink?"
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Post by medibot on May 17, 2006 22:24:11 GMT
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Post by Col ISIHAC. on May 18, 2006 19:10:43 GMT
 Honestly. Yer basic reptile recognition is kindergarten stuff to monkeys! 
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Post by medibot on May 18, 2006 19:13:35 GMT
The monkey was smoking a joint ISIHAC, he's allowed a few recognition based muck ups. At least when monkeys, unlike flatmates, get stoned they don't steal your cheese in the most unsubtle way possible  |
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Post by Col ISIHAC. on May 18, 2006 19:21:27 GMT
The monkey was smoking a joint ISIHAC, he's allowed a few recognition based muck ups. At least when monkeys, unlike flatmates, get stoned they don't steal your cheese in the most unsubtle way possible  OK Mr Student. Got the joke. Cheese?? How is it possible to be anything other than unsubtle where cheese is concerned?? |
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Post by medibot on May 18, 2006 19:33:21 GMT
I just wanted an excuse to moan about my flatmates. Unsubtle cheese theft involves ripping chunks off expensive of blocks of my f*cking cheese, at least use a knife and try and make it look like i might just have cut off more than i thought i had |
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Post by ambersalamander on May 18, 2006 21:36:23 GMT
welcome to student life; that happened to me in halls EVERY SINGLE TIME i bought cheese, and after a point they were only doing it to annoy me because i asked them not to. Having explained that my boyfriend was coming over for dinner and i was cooking something rather special involving cheese, and having requested that at least half of my cheese be left for this, i came down in the morning to find it still there but covered in human bite marks. Just to annoy me  Coincidentally, I am at this very moment nibbling on a piece of cheese which i nicked from work So I can't really talk. To divert us from our frustration over cheese-rage incidents, here is another joke at ISIHAC's request: Little boy's mum has had enough of the mess in his room so she cleans it out while he's at school. When she gets to the back of his wardrobe she is SHOCKED to find a big pile of S&M magazines! Unsure of how to tackle this situation, she doesn't say anything about it until Dad gets home.  She gets her husband on his own and tells him about the magazines. "Well?" she says. "What are we going to do about this?"  The husband is quiet for a while, then says, "Well, I don't think you ought to spank him..." |
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Post by medibot on May 18, 2006 21:42:09 GMT
To divert us from our frustration over cheese-rage incidents, here is another joke at ISIHAC's request We can request jokes? Like on the radio? Can i have a joke with a giraffe in it please?  |
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Post by ambersalamander on May 18, 2006 22:34:01 GMT
Not specific jokes! If you want one about a giraffe you can do it yourself!
If you want one about a Polish lady you can ask me.
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Post by luvlydory on May 18, 2006 22:37:04 GMT
okay, consider yourself asked !! please ? |
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Post by medibot on May 18, 2006 22:38:19 GMT
Not specific jokes! If you want one about a giraffe you can do it yourself! If you want one about a Polish lady you can ask me. Awwwww............. Never mind then. |
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Post by ambersalamander on May 18, 2006 22:55:30 GMT
What does a Polish woman get on her wedding day that's long, hard and a real mouthful?
Her husband's surname!
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Post by medibot on May 18, 2006 23:03:40 GMT
Splendid ;D A man walks into a bar with a giraffe and says, "A pint of bitter for me, and one for the giraffe, please." So they proceed to drink. A few beers later the man asks the barman "...a shot for me and one for the giraffe, too". So the drinking continues... Finally the giraffe passes out on the floor of the bar. The man gets up and starts walking out of the door, without his friend the giraffe. The barman shouts out, "Hey! You're not going to leave that lying on the floor, are you?" The man replies "That's not a lion... it's a giraffe." ;D There. Did my own giraffe joke |
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Post by luvlydory on May 18, 2006 23:04:48 GMT
;D ;D very funny !!
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Post by roofless on May 19, 2006 16:42:41 GMT
Why was the black tarmac afraid of the red tarmac?
Because he thought it was a cyclepath.
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