Post by ambersalamander on May 18, 2006 22:13:23 GMT
I'm SO glad I've never dated a guy like you...
I mean this in the nicest possible way, of course!
You see, men and women are different. Fact. Our minds work in different ways. There is SO much pressure on women to look good for men (don't even try to deny it- look at all the men's magazines, actresses, models, and the way men talk to each other about women down the pub) that it would be stupid not to expect women to feel a little insecurity around this. Men, as a general group of people (not all the same obviously) have created this situation for themselves, so they must face its consequences.
The reason why so few relationships work is that men and women either don't make enough of an effort to understand how each other's minds work, or are too pig-headed to notice the differences, or just can't figure it out and confuse it with negative qualities like insecurity, bitchiness etc.
I HATE it when a partner of mine watches porn, because my woman's mind means that when I am in a relationship, my partner is the only person I want to see naked or find attractive. When he is looking at naked pictures/video clips of women who are more attractive than me and being aroused by them, it upsets me. And not only because they are more attractive than me- it's because looking at me naked is not enough to satisfy him. BUT (and this a colossal but) I never, ever mention this or complain about it, because I know that his man's mind works differently. He needs to do this because I alone CANNOT satisfy his sexual needs because he is a bloke and this is just how they work. He would not cheat on me with a porn actress and he isn't going to run off with a celebrity. It's me he wants, or he wouldn't be with me in the first place.
The nearest I get to complaining is telling a man that if he must look at porn, I would prefer not to know about it and that he keeps that part of his private life to himself.
Having said that, most men I've dated haven't liked looking at porn anyway- my type generally don't. Not every man does. But a lot do, and if they are stupid and insensitive enough not to see why someone who loves them is upset by them deliberately using other women to arouse themselves sexually, then I wouldn't touch them with a bargepole.
I mean this in the nicest possible way, of course!
You see, men and women are different. Fact. Our minds work in different ways. There is SO much pressure on women to look good for men (don't even try to deny it- look at all the men's magazines, actresses, models, and the way men talk to each other about women down the pub) that it would be stupid not to expect women to feel a little insecurity around this. Men, as a general group of people (not all the same obviously) have created this situation for themselves, so they must face its consequences.
The reason why so few relationships work is that men and women either don't make enough of an effort to understand how each other's minds work, or are too pig-headed to notice the differences, or just can't figure it out and confuse it with negative qualities like insecurity, bitchiness etc.
I HATE it when a partner of mine watches porn, because my woman's mind means that when I am in a relationship, my partner is the only person I want to see naked or find attractive. When he is looking at naked pictures/video clips of women who are more attractive than me and being aroused by them, it upsets me. And not only because they are more attractive than me- it's because looking at me naked is not enough to satisfy him. BUT (and this a colossal but) I never, ever mention this or complain about it, because I know that his man's mind works differently. He needs to do this because I alone CANNOT satisfy his sexual needs because he is a bloke and this is just how they work. He would not cheat on me with a porn actress and he isn't going to run off with a celebrity. It's me he wants, or he wouldn't be with me in the first place.
The nearest I get to complaining is telling a man that if he must look at porn, I would prefer not to know about it and that he keeps that part of his private life to himself.
Having said that, most men I've dated haven't liked looking at porn anyway- my type generally don't. Not every man does. But a lot do, and if they are stupid and insensitive enough not to see why someone who loves them is upset by them deliberately using other women to arouse themselves sexually, then I wouldn't touch them with a bargepole.